I’m almost halfway done with my first semester of my second try of Freshman Year (try saying that five times fast).

But seriously, out of a 16-week semester, I’m done with week 6. After two more weeks, I will have taken my English final. After two weeks, I start three new classes.

So I’m almost halfway done with this semester, but I’m nowhere close to being done with my education.

I’m sure I will change my mind a few dozen more times before finally settling on a career choice, and a final decision for my education. As of right now, I’m planning on pursuing a Doctorate in Psychology, in order to become a Clinical Psychologist. Long story short, I’m going to be in school for a long time, and I’m going to owe the government a lot of money.

But knowing what’s ahead of me (rather, assuming what’s ahead of me), I’m both terrified and excited. I’ve always loved psychology and loved the thought of figuring out where other people are coming from when they say certain things. I’ve always loved trying to figure out where people are at in the moment, and hopefully getting to do that for the rest of my life sounds really exciting. However, I am also terrified. Terrified that I won’t be able to get all the school work done in time. I’m terrified that I won’t get a high enough grade in my current Chemistry class so that it will transfer over to a 4-year school. I’m terrified that even if I graduate with a doctorate someday, I won’t be good enough at my job.

I know these fears of mine are rather silly for where I am currently at. I understand that I don’t need to worry about something that will (or won’t) happen years from now, and that I should just focus on being in the now. I should just work on staying in the moment, taking it a step at a time.

Unfortunately, that’s a whole lot easier said than done. It’s really hard to stay in the moment when there’s future class registration to worry about. It’s really hard to stay in the moment when you don’t know if you’re going to have enough money to pay for the semester (even though you know you have the time to save your money and a job you really love). It’s really hard to stay in the moment when…..insert any single problem life throws at you.

But the point of me writing today wasn’t to get you down about how life is hard. I just wanted to say what was on my mind for a minute and write for all of whoever reads this.

At the end of the day, I’m very glad that I made the decision to go back to school. I didn’t realize how much I missed the good parts of it. I’m really happy at Blinn, and I’m really glad I’m staying at home for the first chunk of it. Blinn worked out a lot better for me, and I get to work on balancing school and work and play from the comfort of my home. Yes, it means I’m putting off adulting for a little bit. Yes, it means I’m staying inside my comfort zone for now. I have plans in mind to slowly go outside my comfort zone and slowly start “adulting” more.

Like I said, I’m halfway done, and nowhere close to being finished. I’m not always happy about it. More often than not, I’m stressing out about it. But someday, it’s all going to be worth it. Someday, I’m going to look back, laugh at how silly I was for worrying about things beyond my control, and I’m going to look forward to the amazing life that I worked so hard for. It’s all going to be worth it. And that’s my hope. My fear doesn’t matter because I have hope. And at the very end, when all is said and done, that’s all that will remain: hope.

SIDE NOTE: I’m very sorry that this doesn’t really have a point. I have missed blogging so much, and I haven’t written for this blog in so long, so I just sat down, turned on autopilot, and wrote this all out. If you read all of this, thank you so much. If you didn’t read all of this, then you won’t even see this message, so what’s the point anyway?