Be at peace with where you are at. Without judgement, accept where you are and walk towards the person you want to be.

This is the mindset I’m currently working on. As a perfectionist in every aspect of life, one small setback feels like a complete and total failure. And when people leave, it feels like I am a complete and total failure. This is a very toxic mindset, and it has led me to some dark places in life. This is something that must change.

However, being the previously-mentioned perfectionist I am, I often want these changes to happen instantaneously. That’s just not realistic. So even in my struggle, I must learn to find peace. In some sort of way, I must fight to find peace. There’s a touch of irony in saying that I need to fight to find peace. However, I must fight to tame my inner turmoil. I must find peace if I am to get through this.

It’s entirely possible that I will be dealing with mental health issues my entire life. It’s entirely possible that I will forever be in a state of mental chaos that never truly clears away. However, I must endure. I must find ways to get through it. I must find the peace and acceptance I so desperately crave. And while others can help, and I am grateful for their help, true healing will only come from within. I can only begin to “get better” if I begin to accept myself as I am.

That’s not to give myself permission to excuse my faults; there still has to be some accountability. Rather, I am saying that failure is an option. It’s ok to have to try something multiple times. Failure isn’t true failure until you give up. Failure is only a stepping stone.

Of course, all these sayings are nice to hear, but hard to truly comprehend them in my own context. These are things I continue to say to myself, with the hope that (over time) I will begin to believe them.

I’m struggling to find peace, and in some weird way, I’ve already achieved that peace while I was looking for it. Knowing and understanding that I’m trying to accept myself has brought me a calm I haven’t really felt before. I’m doing my best. I’m trying.

And that’s what matters. Keep trying. Accept yourself. Find peace. If you cannot find peace within yourself, you cannot know true peace.