I’ve been trying to write something to post for a couple months now, but nothing ever felt right. But now we’re at the end of a year, and reflection feels right in this moment.

Looking back to the beginning of the year feels like looking back over a decade. This year has been lived to the absolute fullest, so of course that means it’s going to be the most turbulent. This year has easily been the best year of my life, but it has also been the hardest and most confusing (hands down).

Even just looking back to August, the amount of personal growth I’ve gone through is almost unbelievable. Not only with going to school in Brenham for Music, which was a challenge, but learning to live on my own and be my own person. With learning to live on my own, it wasn’t necessarily about being away from family (which was a struggle), but it was more about learning to be comfortable with myself alone. It was learning to be comfortable with being by myself for periods of time (which is definitely still a struggle, considering I’m still in the process of learning to be kind to myself).

I had a couple devastating breakups, which were difficult because they meant losing some of my best friends. I still talk to both of them, and the relationships fluctuate, but it’s brought some interesting moments into my life. Particularly, it has taught me that grief is not limited to loved ones that have passed. Grief can also be for loved ones we lost that are still here. That’s a kind of grief that I’m still currently dealing with, and I know it’s going to be a long road.

Lastly, I finally began to see how much I can truly handle. While I’m still my own worst enemy, and I still don’t completely understand my limits, I’m beginning to see that I can handle quite a bit. I juggled an enormous load this past semester (not just classes, but the outside work and personal life part as well), and while I definitely had rough days, I didn’t let anything stop me. I’m beginning to see how much of a badass I am.

I wouldn’t have made it this far without several people. My friends, family, coworkers, and classmates supported me when I needed it most. They were there through all of it, and I couldn’t ask for a better support system.

Of course, when faced with stress and difficulty, it is common to hear “what would you do differently?” or “if you could change one thing, what would it be?” This has been a constant thought of mine over the past few months, and I’ve continually come to the same conclusion. Given every thing that happened over this past year, I wouldn’t change a thing. Every good thing that happened this year often came out of something really difficult. Every good, beautiful, priceless moment came at the cost of some of my worst days. Getting rid of the bad means I also have to get rid of the good, and that’s not something I’ll ever be willing to do.

So, here’s to 2022. Bring it on.