I feel like the statement “normal is relative” is a phrase everyone knows and comprehends. However, I also feel like everyone has moments in their life when they realize the “relativity” of their own “normal.”

Take me, for example. I have had 3 examples on 2 separate occasions that have made my own normal abundantly clear. Listen below to the following examples that I realize are completely not normal from an objective perspective, but are normal in my life in the current moment.

Example 1: I had an hour-long panic attack that started because I listened to sad music that reminded me of my ex and I feared I was going to be alone forever. This was a terrible panic attack that escalated to the point where I started passing out because my body couldn’t take the strain. The panic attack only ended because my body exhausted itself and I fell asleep for about 20 minutes on the kitchen floor. Once I woke up, I got back to the table and continued working. Shortly afterward, in a state of genuine confusion, I pondered why I was so tired. I’ll repeat that in case you didn’t catch that: after pushing myself over the edge for an hour, I was CONFUSED AS TO WHY I WAS TIRED because panic attacks are just something that happens for me.

Example 2 and 3: In a situation similar to a previous blog post about my insomnia and being awake at all hours, I’m currently awake and writing a blog post at 5am. However, the difference in tonight is that I got so anxious (like example 1) that I ripped off a full set of acrylic nails that I’ve had for about 3 weeks (and that’s a hard max. It’s probably closer to 2-2.5 weeks). Anyone that’s had acrylic nails ripped off by accident will tell you that it is not a good feeling.

For me, debilitating anxiety is just a part of life. Sometimes, I deal with levels of anxiety that stop me from doing “life.” To people that aren’t familiar with my situation, it can be very freaky. But this is my normal, and while normal is different for everyone, it’s always sort of funny when you realize the crazy parts of your own normal. There’s just so many sayings that we just say, and understand, and accept, but when the reality of those sayings hits you, it just hits you. It’s funny. It hurts a little bit. Sometimes it makes you feel a little crazy, but life is just like that. And hey, all the best people are a little crazy, right?