There are 2 doors in front of you, both wish granting. The door on your left will grant you all the money and jewels and riches that you could ever ask for. The door on your right will allow you to go back in time, giving you a second chance to fix your mistakes.

Which door would you pick?

I don’t know exactly what I’d do, but I’m not picking the door on the right. I have no desire to go back in time to change anything.

And I mean that ENTIRELY.

There’s a lot of fucked up stuff in my past, and a decent amount of stuff that’s gone wrong is stuff I’ve had a hand in. There’s a lot of hospitalizations, and other things that might qualify as “mistakes” that I could potentially go back and fix. But I wouldn’t. There’s many people that have asked if I would go back and change certain events, and I always tell them no.

Specifically, when it comes to my personal relationships, I still wouldn’t go back in time. There’s a few people in mind when it comes to “fixing mistakes.” People I hurt. People that hurt me. People I could go back and be a better friend to. People I could go back in time and simply just not be their friend.

But with my whole heart and soul, I can truthfully say that I wouldn’t change anything that has happened to me or by me.

For better or for worse, all the things that have happened made me who I am today. Without all the bad, and without all the good, I would not be the person I am writing this post. The person who is becoming her own individual. The person who is embracing herself for the first time. The person who has learned from “the mistakes” and is becoming all the more stronger for it.

And some of “the mistakes” were painful. I’m not going to negate the pain and suffering caused by some darker moments. And I’m not going to endorse a “toxic positivity” mindset that says all that pain and suffering were necessary. Because most of it wasn’t. Most of it was stupid shit that could have been avoided, but it wasn’t. But just because it was “pointless” doesn’t mean it was pointless. It hurt, and I hated the suffering, but I am a stronger person today because of my failings yesterday.

So honestly, given the choice between the two doors, I’d turn around and walk away. I don’t need the riches (though they could help), and I don’t want to go back in time. So look within, and congratulate yourself for the journey you’ve made. Forgive yourself for the failings you’ve had. Give yourself grace that you haven’t made as much progress as you’d like. Look to the road ahead, pick yourself up, and keep walking, friend. You’ve got this. Hell, you’ve made it this far!