i started writing a poem

about what is and isn’t love

and i got scared

scared

scared

scared

scared because i don’t know

if i am giving enough of myself

if i am doing enough

if i am enough

you give so much to me

you do so much for me

and i wonder

am i doing enough

am i enough

to make you stay

i know you say

you won’t leave

that you will stay with me

that you will help me

but i can’t help

the thoughts

the fears

the anxieties

from my past

from people who told me

or showed me

that i was too much

and that i couldn’t do enough

that i wouldn’t be enough

so now i don’t believe you

i trust you won’t lie to me

but i can’t believe you

i want to

i want to believe every word you say

i want to look in your eyes

i want to let you know

i want to believe you

but i’m scared

i hate to compare you

to the people in my past

but it’s all i know

i’m trying

to break away

to break free

but i’m scared

and the thoughts return

am i enough?

can i be enough?

but no

though i don’t believe

i will listen

“you are fine”

“you are ok”

“you are enough”

all things you have told me

though i don’t believe you

i hear you

i’m listening

i’m trying to believe

i swear i’m trying

and one day

i will get there