there’s a certain pain

when you can’t let go of the past

there’s a certain brokenness

in your heart

when you realize they never cared for you

when you were ready to give them everything

and yet…..

they turned you away

and yet…….

you stayed

tolerated

allowed

encouraged the teasing

the mocking

the hurt

and now……

someone cares

someone is standing in front of you

telling you they love you

telling you they’ll stay

telling you that they care

and yet……

you can’t believe them

no matter how badly you want to

because of what happened

because you gave yourself away

and got nothing in return

so now…..

you’re terrified

terrified of losing yourself again

terrified of losing the one you love again

terrified of all of it

terrified

you want to change

you want to grow

you want to do better

to be better

but you don’t know where to begin

it’s all too much

you don’t know what to do

so you build up your walls again

and hide where it’s safe

because certainly the isolation will be better,

right?