she missed the boat

and now she stands on the shore

wondering how she might be

if only she were on the boat

but she was too slow

for she was always slowed down

slowed down

slowed downnnnnnn

by anxiety

by depression

by exhaustion

by shame

by regret

by a constant stabbing in her lungs

by a fire in her stomach

by a billion things

that she allowed

that she condoned

for fear

that change

would be worse

for change

is the unknown

the painful can be tolerated

when weighed against

the fear of what is

unknown

known pain is preferred

over unknown possibilities

for pain can be tolerated

pain can be managed

but there is no way

to manage what is not known

so because of this

she was too slow

and she missed the boat

for the boat

was never a boat

at all

the boat was a symbol

a symbol of relationships

a symbol of health

a symbol of life itself

and she missed out

on all of it

simply because

she preferred to stay in pain

rather than change