What do you want to do?

I came across a live-stream video on Tik Tok less than 30 minutes ago. It was a stream hosted by the account for the Daily Mail. It is a live broadcast with a running headline “Gaza Siege: Live.” As I’m writing this, I’m still watching the stream on my phone. Watching hurts like hell, but turning away because it hurts feels wrong.

There’s the whirring of what I assume are planes almost constantly. You can hear the explosions of bombs and you can see the resulting smoke in the distance. Every so often, the camera will zoom in on the close surroundings: the ground is covered with debris and some of the buildings are (understandably) looking horrible.

The craziest part of this was that this video came across my “for you page” like it was any other video. I did not search for this. I did not ask for this. But here I am, listening and watching. After all, there are innocent people in the Gaza strip that did not ask for this either. It feels wrong to turn off a livestream just because it makes my heart hurt, because the people for which I hurt have no escape.

I think it says a lot about the world we live in that I can watch a live-stream of a brutal conflict from “the comfort of my own home.” Reading the live comments that people make also says a lot. Interestingly enough, a comment I have seeing with a small amount of frequency are variations of “what does this mean for the US?” or “is this going to affect us?” As if this conflict can’t or doesn’t affect us because they aren’t like us or are too far away.

As a way to think through this with someone else, I texted a friend of mine. I said that I am hurt that this video just came up so nonchalantly. I said I am hurt that we live in a world that is numb. I am angry that people commenting from safe places are asking about where to find better camera angles or complaining that “there’s no action right now.” I am terrified that as I grow up, I will have to watch new generations go through what I am going through now (and God only knows how things might be worse in terms of weaponry by then).

So I said that something needs to change. And my friend said “what do you want to do?” At first I wasn’t sure, so I began rambling. Eventually I came to the following conclusion:

Something needs to change. I want to be a mother someday. I will not be a mother if this is the world my kids will be born into. So in order for me to be a mother, something needs to change. More importantly than my own vision, we are here now. I was put on this earth for a reason. I do not know what that reason is but I do know that it wasn’t to sit by and do nothing. To sit by and do nothing is to continue the status quo and it is to say that I don’t have something to do in this lifetime. But I know I must have something to do, so until I figure out what it is, I will do what I know.

I will learn. I will write. I will continue to care. We as a society cannot continue in apathy. WE HAVE TO CARE. If we cannot seem to care about the lives of the people who share this planet, then we will not be around much longer. We have to care. We have to listen. We have to communicate. I know this isn’t an easy fix. I know this is a shared sentiment in times like these. It is always in times of major conflict where we hear the most talk of hope and open communication. But this is where I draw the line for myself. This is a commitment I make today: my message of change and my mission is not just for times of tragedy. I am going to begin my change.

I know that I cannot change everything on my own. I am not so naive as to believe I can. But I know that I can be pretty damn determined when I put my mind to something. And I know that if I keep learning, keep listening, and keep caring, something will happen. I know that if WE learn, WE listen, WE care, and WE act, something will happen.

I know I’ve said a lot of things about how this was my line in the sand, but at the end of the day, this isn’t about me. So please, bearing in mind your mental health, look into what’s happening with Hamas in the Gaza Strip. I don’t know everything, but I’ve been trying to learn and listen. For now, all I ask is this: Learn about what’s happening, listen to the stories, care about the people, and just start giving a damn about what happens in the world.